Behind her blue eyes
by ThePandoricaWillOpen
Summary: Hawke travels to Tevinter in search of a way to be with Anders. She regrets having killed him, realizing how much she loved him the moment she plunged the knife into his heart. PWP. F!Hawke/Anders. M for sexual content. (Complete)


So... this popped into my head last night. I couldn't stop writing... it was strange. Anyway, my overt mind made 2 pages of sexytimes and 1 page of actual plot. Further than that... nothing. This is UNEDITED, i edited this as i typed. Which means the grammar is off and there might be a few (thousand) mistakes here and there. Sorry, i'll get it beta'd soon.

Enjoy and tell me what ya'll think.

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><p>Their first time hurt. Having something in her, something that long and thick in her, hurt beyond measures. Gradually he filled her, his honey eyes looking at her icy blues for a spark of regret. He didn't find it. She's promised herself she would change him; change this man for the better. But first, the one thing she had imagined for 3 years, the thing that had infiltrated her dreams as of late<p>

He looked at her, his arms in either side of her head supporting himself up. His eyes widened in terror while simultaneously darkening with lust.

Suppressed tears fell from her eyes falling onto her cheeks. Softly, he leaned down and kissed them away. His forehead to hers, he looked into her eyes again. Breathing in slowly through her mouth, she nodded to his unasked question. Continue, it said.

And so he did. Moving rhythmically against her, first slowly and gradually gaining momentum, he moved in and out of her. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down for a passionate kiss. The pain was still there, but with his lips moving against hers, his tongue in her mouth, scrapping over her teeth- exploring- it didn't matter. All that mattered was the trill of it. The trill of having him planted deep within her, moving inside of her. She reveled in the feeling before he pulled their lips apart and moaning into her neck.

She moved her hips, as much as she could being on the bottom, to help him. His moans on her neck deepened, his breathe brushing against her ear in hot waves.

Suddenly, his hand began to caress her. She arched at the sensational; his short nails trailing up her most private folds before resting on the small bundle of nerves.

"By Andraste..." she whispered out against his ear. "Don't... Stop..."

She feels him smile against her, his thrust increasing as he nears his release. His finger pulls at the bud making her body buckled under him. His smile widens.

He stops suddenly. Pulling himself out of her, he pulls back and looks at her. Her blond hair disheveled as is his own, her face withering in agony at his departure, and her wide eyes. Oh, how they beg for him.

Pulling her up, he pushes her legs apart and sets her on top of him, straddling her. She's wet again, seeping wet and he loves it. Planting a kiss on each of her nipples, he placed his hands in her hips and lifts her. She grips his member, looking at him through lush black lashes, and smiles. He drops his hands from her hips, putting them in her hair as she leans forward to kiss him once more.

No longer a virgin, it seems.

She kisses him, her tongue infiltrating his mouth easily. He smiles against her lips as her legs touch his member before her hot lips leave his lips. She kisses and sucks on his neck while her hand plays with his hardened nipples. He arches, his painful erection pressing against her stomach now. She ignores the throbbing piece of flesh and moves her mouth to suck on his tender nipples.

"Hmm, Hawke..." he moans. "Hawke..."

Hearing her name coming from his bruised lips excites her beyond measures. She leaves his nipples and kisses him once more, her hands trailing his stomach. The fine hairs trailing from his navel tickle her fingers. She leaves his mouth, her name on his lips begging for release. She smiles and shakes her head. She's waited for three years for this, and she is going to make it last!

Returning to trail kisses along his taut chest, she licks along his hipbone. Her hands trail his thighs, pulling them apart. She looks up at him, he moans in frustration. She messages his strong thighs, kissing the inside of them. Her eyes are attracted to the piece of flesh between them. His member throbbing, pulsating, its tip wet with pre-come. She licks her lips.

"Hawke!" He yells. "Oh, by the Maker, Hawke!"

"Do you want me to-" She wraps her hand around the shaft. "Kiss you here?"

"Hmm," He replies.

"Do you want-" She licks the tip. "Me to take it in my mouth?"

He nods.

"Say it," She tells him releasing him. "Say it."

"I want y-you t-to take me i-into your mouth!" He yells.

She takes a hold of it again. Her fingers wrap around its soft wet skin. She bends down, taking the tip in her mouth. It has a salty taste… and something so unique, so him, she can't put her finger on it. Her hand cups his sac as she takes more of him in.

"Stop!" He yells suddenly. "I- not like this."

Confused, she pulls the flesh from her mouth. "What?"

"I love you," He tells her sitting up. He cups her face and kisses her tenderly. "But you have to let me go."

"What are you-"

"You can't keep visiting the Fade to see me," He says firmly. "You can't keep doing this."

"But-" Tears form in her eyes; she shuts them and inhales sharply.

"It hurts too much," he kisses her eyelids. "Let me go."

"I can't!" She yells crashing her head against his shoulder. "I love you!"

"Let me go…" He whispers pulling back. He kisses her before standing. A final look, a final smile and he leaves the room.

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><p>She looks down at her hands. Blood pours from their cuts, seeping into the white bed sheets. She sobs as she heals her wound with her magic, the blue light reminded her of him. The way he used to glow when his emotions flared.<p>

"Anders…" She whispers. "My love…"

She regretted her decision a moment after she killed him. Plunging her dagger into his back had brought her back to reality, the reality of her love for him. Not the fake reality that she'd surround herself with, pretending to love Sebastian, to enjoy being put down for being a mage.

Her anger had flared, much like his used to do around the Templars. She had yelled at him, cursed him out. Told him she hated him and finally killed him. Plunging the dagger deep into his chest a moment before collapsing beside him in tears. She had clung to his body summoning healing magic to save him, begging him to save himself. But he hadn't. He closed his eyes and never opened them again.

It took her months to figure out a way to see him again. She traveled to Tevinter with Fenris and Isabella to find what she needed. She remained there while the two lovers sailed off into the seas. She found her answer not long after settling in.

Blood magic.

Once a month, she slit her wrist, letting her blood pool around her. When she began to feel light headed, on the brink of death, she recited a few simple words. Those words and a lock of hair, took her to the Fade. It took her to him. Once a month, they were reunited. They were one. Nothing stood in their way, nothing. They made love, talked and sometimes argued.

Hawke had never been happier in her life. She was reunited with her love, her Anders.

But this would be their last time and she knew it. He'd begun to act differently, the last few months, distant and kinder. They made love more often, sometimes leaving her sore when she woke up. What ever happens in the Fade, doesn't stay in the Fade.

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><p>As she cleaned up the mess left over, she looked at the Vial in her hand, the vial that contained her one true way to stay with Anders. She loved him more than anything. He was all she had left, the only thing that mattered.<p>

Removing the small linen covering the bottle, she tilted her head back and swallowed. No remorse, no turning back.

"Anders…." Were her last words before collapsing on the ground, the vial rolling away from her hands.


End file.
